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By Rogerborg (Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 06:33:45 AM EST) (all tags)

Operation Fit In Kilt.

My Clicks Are Worth More Than Yours.

UK Terror Alert: SEVERE - an attack is highly likely.

In my defence, I jumped under the Fat Losers bandwagon before I returned to the fold and discovered that it's one of the two memes de jour here, along with Operation Tough It Out Until She Changes.

And so Operation Fit In Kilt proceeds apace. About 16lbs of excess manliness have been flushed since Xebusmass. I say "about" because I didn't think to keep a chart or get dunked in a Fat Tank or such, so I guess that means I'm not a "on a diet", I'm just "eating less". I know that you're not supposed to be able to lose weight unless you follow MediterrAtkinsAsian slavishly or have a hotline to some hyperthyroidic guru, so I expect the inevitable reversals soon.

Failure is not an option, by which I mean that there's no goal, so I can't fail.

Hey, did I rant about the joys of the Microsoft Trackball Explorer, my cube warrior weapon of choice, and now sadly but inevitably out of production? I'm pretty sure that I did.

It is quite simply the best input device ever created by man or Invisible Sky Giant. But don't take my word for it, ask eBay. $140 and up, and if you think you can get one for less, good luck to you. A Mint In Box example just went for $250.

The only conclusion that I can draw from this is that my wrist action is therefore more valuable than yours. I mean, I could draw other conclusions, but it's not in my nature.

Can you believe that we actually have a Terror Alert? I console myself with the thought that at least it's described in words rather than 'colors', and it's tastefully hidden away in the Home Office site rather than paradi-

HOLY SPIT, Castro's being 'retired'.

Drop everything, quick! Get over to DailyKos and explain how this will effect Obama's chances against McCain! Do they get Slashdot in Soviet Cuba? Why are you still reading this? There's frantic liberal blogging to be done!

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OFIK + MCAWMTY | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

Terror level by gazbo (4.00 / 2) #1 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 06:56:18 AM EST

Do you think it's hooked up to a random number generator? Despite being "severe", I've not noticed even the reddest-topped of the media panicking.

Do you suppose you can justifiably leave work upon hearing about this threat, so one could escape from the obviously dangerous city centre and head to somewhere safer such as the peak district, with something to soothe the nerves - say a picnic with a chilled macon blanc?

"Engarde!" cried the larvae, huskily. - Scrymarch

It is indeed by komet (4.00 / 6) #8 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:59:52 AM EST

the random number generator being more commonly known as "Her Majesty's Government".

--
<ni> komet: You are functionally illiterate as regards trashy erotica.
[ Parent ]

The thing about panic is by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #10 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:22:15 AM EST

That I don't think it's been lower than SEVERE since the Summer Beastliness of '05, and even the Hate can't keep it up for two and a half years. They're not Fox, after all.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

: Must be jammed by Merekat (4.00 / 5) #11 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:27:23 AM EST

Someone should go kick it.

[ Parent ]

(Comment Deleted) by ucblockhead (2.00 / 0) #29 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 11:43:09 AM EST

This comment has been deleted by ucblockhead

[ Parent ]

I'm fairly sure by Phage (4.00 / 2) #2 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:03:20 AM EST

That I could work up some sort of double entendre about my favourite 'input device'.
Nah...

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick

And manipulation of the gui interface? by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 3) #3 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:30:05 AM EST

[ Parent ]

: Well played, sah ! by Phage (4.00 / 1) #6 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:50:25 AM EST

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick
[ Parent ]

Terror level by hulver (4.00 / 3) #4 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:30:36 AM EST

See Also:

Reducing crime
Identity cards
--
smart, pretty, sane. pick two - georgeha

: ID cards = identifying the remains. by Rogerborg (4.00 / 3) #12 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:29:30 AM EST

Wait - I'm wrong.

ID cards will provide legal UK residents, including foreign nationals, with an easy and secure way of proving who they are.
Nice use of "they". Not even "you". Fucking Reptoids, would it kill them to at least pretend that they're not planning to begin the Big Chow Down in 2009?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Castro by jump the ladder (4.00 / 4) #5 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:45:06 AM EST

Don't worry he's democatically appointed his brother Raul to run the country unlike the evil nepotism of the Bush imperialist capitalist running dogs dynasty.

: Top response from His Brownness by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #15 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:38:39 AM EST

Prime Minister Gordon Brown's spokesman said he hoped it would lead "to more respect for human rights and the release of political prisoners".
How do these fuckers keep a straight face? Is there some sort of school they can go to, or are they just like dolphins - the listening half of the brain sleeps while the talking half spouts the inanities?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

That trackball is useless for me by wiredog (4.00 / 1) #7 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 07:51:00 AM EST

Since I'm of the Clan Sinister.

Earth First!
_{(We can strip mine the rest later.)}

Just turn it over by Dr H0ffm4n (4.00 / 1) #9 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:21:32 AM EST

That's my philosophy on a lot of things.

[ Parent ]

: You're on a roll today. by Phage (4.00 / 2) #20 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:44:04 AM EST

<rimshot>

The Czar of Accounting. No Nit Too Small To Pick
[ Parent ]

I am also of Clan Sinister oh, my brother. by greyrat (2.00 / 0) #38 Wed Feb 20, 2008 at 01:49:38 PM EST

But some of us learned how to adapt. That's how we're going to take over adapt, embrace then crush... Or something like that.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou
[ Parent ]

my favorite by joh3n (4.00 / 3) #13 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:29:46 AM EST

is that in most US-ian airports, there is an announcement that's played every minute or so saying something to the effect of 'the terror alert level has been raised to severe', even though it's been stuck there since 2001.

OMFG BUY MORE DUCT TAPE

----
I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix

Ha, YOU LOSE, Yankee pig dogs by Rogerborg (4.00 / 8) #14 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:33:29 AM EST

I've just noticed that your scale tops out at "Severe". When then? Ours goes to "Critical". We can panic at a whole level above you. Now who loves Freedom more?

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Bitch by joh3n (4.00 / 8) #16 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 08:51:29 AM EST

We dont need your silly words, when we have fucking COLORS. Oh but if you copycats actually did have colors...excuse me colo*u*rs, they would be distinctly British like:

Taupe: no risk
Darker taupe: elevated risk
Slightly darker taupe with a hint of mauve: severe risk
Peuce: Holy fuck, the Queen is on fire

----
I just ate about 7 pounds of meat
-theantix
[ Parent ]

: I assure you by Rogerborg (4.00 / 8) #17 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:13:02 AM EST

Should Her Majesty ever catch on fire, no one would be impolite enough to comment on it.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

The Castro thing. by nightflameblue (4.00 / 1) #18 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:39:09 AM EST

We saw that on the morning news program this morning and everybody goes into a panic, frantically trying to determine just what this means. Mrs. NFB and myself keep saying over and over, "it means, precisely, NOTHING." Then they bring out this ex-Cuban national dude who starts babbling about how Castro's brother is a lot more willing to talk to the US than Castro ever was and blah, blah, blah this'll be a major turning point if only the Bush administration would be willing to open a dialog.

So, essentially, through half-an-hour of panic and ministrations, they came out and said the same thing they've been saying for fifty years. "Things could change if only the big meany poopy-pants US would open a dialog with us." They just changed the first name of the primary player. Woo-hoo. But still, there's all sorts of talking going on about the situation, even though we're all big poopy-pants and won't allow them to open a dialog.

My buddy AFKS, who doesn't have a lot to say on foreign policy, sometimes has it right. On Cuba one day he said, "really, the administration there just needs to be taken over someone's knee and spanked hard until they get it." Can't say I disagree, but you'd have to be careful about who's knee it is or they may enjoy it too much.

Try to see it from the juntas' PoV by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #23 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:01:00 AM EST

They're living in palaces with hot and cold running coke and hookers, so what the fuck do they care about anything that happens to the peons outside the gates, let alone in Washington?

The great thing is that you can replace "Washington" with "Havana" and see why it works so well in the other direction. It's the perfect arrangement for both vested interests.

Personally I'd start air-dropping crates of AKs onto the organopónicos and let the Cubanistas begin the Freedomocratic Bloodbath, but that's only because my hot hooker tap is blocked at the moment.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Gotta say I'm tired of the analysts. by nightflameblue (2.00 / 0) #26 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:35:54 AM EST

People who couldn't analyze their way out of a wet paper bag trying to explain to me exactly why Cuba shuffling from brother 1 to brother 2 is going to be a MAJOR ORDEAL even though they admit it's going to be more of the same.

[ Parent ]

: Look it from the analysts' PoV by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #28 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:42:29 AM EST

I.e, see above, and replace "Washington" and "Havana" with "anywhere and anyone else".
If they said "Nothing will change, Stacey^[1]," then what would fill the void to the next commercial break?
[1] And I'd like to holler out a big welcome back to Stacey Implants, everyone's favourite holotypical news candy.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I switched by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #19 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:39:30 AM EST

from a Trackball Explorer to a Logitech Marble Mouse about three years ago. I tried a Kensington Expert at one point but it's one of the most over-priced and over-rated peripherals I've ever come across; it's good, but not £100 good. The Marble does everything I need, plus it's very cheap for what it is and is still in production. The only problems I had were a.) adapting to a symmetrical layout (trivial) and b.) spending an evening working out the precise incantation to get it to behave the way I wanted in X windows (trivial, but choresome).

----
Done.

Yup, I think I'm going to have to buy one for work by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #21 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:47:15 AM EST

When I found out how much the Explorers were going for, I ripped my personal one out of my work PC faster than you can say "Five Finger Depreciation" and secured it in my sporran. Now I'm having to prod and nudge a slab of plastic around the desk much like a monkey playing shuffleboard with its faeces.

That symmetrical layout looks awful though, and I suppose we've got devil worshippers to thank for that.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

Risking all the obligatory double entendres ... by yicky yacky (4.00 / 1) #22 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 09:53:05 AM EST

... it just needs an adjustment in wrist pitch and yaw. It feels odd at first but you get used to it in a couple of days. It's got to the point where not only do I intend never to return to a mouse, but I no longer understand why people use them to begin with.

----
Done.
[ Parent ]

: That's what I told myself by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #24 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:10:27 AM EST

When I started rolling my balls around with my thumb, but I never got used to that. I guess I'll give the Logitech a try, as it's rapidly becoming the only available choice. PS, Microsoft: suck my balls. And by balls, I mean my testicles.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

I used one for a while. by ni (2.00 / 0) #37 Wed Feb 20, 2008 at 01:41:36 PM EST

It never really grew on me. The symmetrical layout really seemed to ruin much of the appeal of a trackball, and it feels light and cheap and poorly made.

I use an explorer, and have for a few years, but I don't really like it, either. It, too, feels shoddily designed, and its inards seem to become clocked strangely frequently.

My favorite trackball was one made by Logitech perhaps 10 years ago. I cannot now remember it's name. It was built like a tank, though and used old-school rollers to detect motion. Just a monster of a thing, though: You felt like it could be used for self-defence in an emergency.

"These days it seems like sometimes dreams of Italian hyper-gonadism are all a man's got to keep him going." -- CRwM
[ Parent ]

Humph by nebbish (4.00 / 1) #25 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:21:51 AM EST

A mate was telling me the other day how much better trackballs are for gaming.

Doesn't bother me as I won't go near all that 'tarded dull ye olde space warriors stuff that passes for PC gaming.

--------
It's political correctness gone mad!

: And an F40 is a fanny magnet by Rogerborg (4.00 / 1) #27 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 10:36:37 AM EST

But that's merely as a incidental consequence of its inherent superiority over lesser horseless carriages. Don't have the playa, hate the game.
Oh, you just did. Carry on then.

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

16 lbs? by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 1) #30 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 01:11:45 PM EST

OMG teh bananna man is stalking you LOLZ!

"Stabbing someone in the head with a pitchfork is rarely beneficial to the relationship." - MereKat

BLOCK BUTTON - AGAIN by Rogerborg (4.00 / 2) #32 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 01:52:09 PM EST

I can block these all day if I have to, what with my new-found stamina and endurzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Metus amatores matrum compescit, non clementia.
[ Parent ]

: ! by vorheesleatherface (4.00 / 1) #34 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 02:18:04 PM EST

"Stabbing someone in the head with a pitchfork is rarely beneficial to the relationship." - MereKat
[ Parent ]

HIDs are context specific by greyrat (4.00 / 1) #31 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 01:36:07 PM EST

If I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop, it's trackball all the way. After all, how are you going to use a mouse on that afghan covered cushion next to you? At a desk, however, I prefer a mouse. And the only time I used a touchpad or keyboard-eraserhead is when I don't have a better device available.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou

: amusingly by MillMan (2.00 / 0) #35 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 02:30:27 PM EST

my little travel mouse works just fine on cushion-like surfaces including my jeans.
When I'm imprisoned as an enemy combatant, will you blog about it?
[ Parent ]

RE UK Terror Alert: SEVERE by greyrat (4.00 / 2) #33 Tue Feb 19, 2008 at 02:04:32 PM EST

So what? In 'merkin terms, that works out to orange. To bowdlerize Orwell: We are at orange... We've always been at orange... Go about your life Citizen -- just make sure you're afraid. You're government like it when you're afraid.
~
There is absolutely no correlation or causation amongst intelligence, power, talent and wealth.
Kha-Nyou

Spurred out of retirement by an upside down mouse by idiot boy (4.00 / 1) #36 Wed Feb 20, 2008 at 04:12:38 AM EST

Fuck's sake.

That said, I've had three of the things. Lost two and am currently sat in colonial comfort rolling that joyous red bollock under my thumb.

Greatest input device ever created along with the Mk1 MS Natural Keyboard. Can't beat 'em.

Sadly, the one I have here has a small divot in the bollock due to me getting pissed off at a client on the phone and flinging it at a wall. This causes occasional sticking which can be irritating. I was hoping to get a new one but you have gone and dashed that hope against a wall. Just like my bollock.

Thanks to Nebbish for pointing this out to me.

WIPO: Best Input Device by ObviousTroll (2.00 / 0) #39 Wed Feb 20, 2008 at 02:13:40 PM EST

I'd show you but this is a family website.

--
Has anybody seen my clue? I know I had it when I came in here.

OFIK + MCAWMTY | 39 comments (39 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback